Breaking the Habit
by SylvenSilence
Summary: And I don’t know if all of this is worth fighting for. It’s not something Hermione would do...I’m just gonna do this because I can’t do anything else. HGBZ slight


_Breaking the Habit by Armed and Fabulous_

_Memories consume_

_Like opening the wound_

_I'm picking me apart again_

_You all assume_

_I'm safe here in my room_

_Unless I try to start again_

Hermione glared at the window. Her prison. Most people would only see her room, but she saw a prison. A horrible, gilded cage that had no exit, no escape.

_I don't want to be the one_

_The battles always choose_

_Cause inside I realize_

_That I'm the one confused_

How the hell should I know what I want? I'm so confused. Every battle I fight in I seem to fight in the heart of.

_I don't know what's worth fighting for_

_Or why I have to scream_

_I don't know why I instigate_

_And say what I don't mean_

_I don't know how I got this way_

_I know it's not alright_

_So I'm breaking the habit_

_I'm breaking the habit tonight_

Every day, I'm picking fights with someone and I don't want to stop. None of the teachers even **notice **I'm in at least one duel a day, and usually a fit-fight, too. My friends don't notice it either. Well, if you can call them friends. They don't know anything about me and they don't seem interested in anything about me. O don't think they'd even care if I killed myself. And I know that I wasn't supposed to be this hard and cynical but I am. Hermione is really My, a cold hearted, sarcastic, cynical bitch.

_Clutching my cure_

_I tightly lock the door_

_I try to catch my breath again_

_I hurt much more_

_Than anytime before_

_I have no options left again_

And I'm holding on to my "medicine" and I'm locking the door and every time I do it I'm losing even more of myself but I just can't stop. I can't stop and every time I use my cure, every time I do this part of Hermione dies and Hermione is almost completely dead and soon all there was, all there is, all there will be is My. Not Hermione. My. And I just can't stop, because the sex is so irresistible and I know Blaise feels the same way, and we could care less about the sides we're on, I don't know if he's a Death Eater or not and I don't care.

_I don't want to be the one_

_The battles always choose_

_Cause inside I realize_

_That I'm the one confused_

Always at the heart of the battle with my two swords that I've made so that I can use them like wands too. Taking the most wounds, killing or taking prisoner the most people, but everything I do, the credit is given to Harry and I'm too confused, too high on battle- fever to stop it until it's too late.

_I don't know what's worth fighting for_

_Or why I have to scream_

_I don't know why I instigate_

_And say what I don't mean_

_I don't know how I got this way_

And I don't know if all of this is worth fighting for. Sometimes I don't think Harry has any chance, sometimes I just want to give up, or keep myself locked away in my world. I don't know how I got this way, how Hermione died. I don't think Hermione ever really existed. It was always My.

_I'll never be alright_

_So, I'm breaking the habit_

_I'm breaking the habit tonight_

I'll never be alright. Never. How could I ever be alright? A thousand years in drugs won't solve anything. Killing myself won't do much.

_I'll paint it on the walls_

_Cause I'm the one that falls_

_I'll never fight again_

_And this is how it ends_

I'll write it on something, make it unremovable and noticeable. I have to write something, make it last.

_I don't know what's worth fighting for_

_Or why I have to scream_

_But now I have some clarity_

_To show you what I mean_

_I don't know how I got this way_

_I'll never be alright_

_So, I'm breaking the habit_

_I'm breaking the habit_

_I'm breaking the habit tonight_

I'm trying to break this habit but it's just so **hard. **And I know that there is sweet release always waiting. I won't kill myself, but I can court death, embrace death like a lover in battle. I can take out so many before dying, be remembered as the girl who gave up her life for the light side, taking out more Death Eaters than anyone else. It's not something Hermione would do, but I'm My, not Hermione, and Hermione never existed, so I'm just gonna do this because I can't do anything else.

-_Breaking the Habit_ by **Linkin' Park**


End file.
